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Furloughed husband is so selfish he won’t help with kids or house work

DEAR DEIDRE: AS I tried to do some schoolwork with our eldest child yesterday, the two younger ones were whining that they were hungry.

Their dad went into the kitchen and I thought, “Hurray, for once he is going to help and make them some dinner.” But he made himself a sandwich.

 My husband is so lazy and he needs to change his ways
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My husband is so lazy and he needs to change his waysCredit: Alamy

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When they moaned at him he said, “Mummy will do it for you in a bit,” and walked away. I could have throttled him.

Our kids are six, four and two.

We’re both under 25 but it’s like we’re living in the 1950s.

He thinks housework and looking after children is a woman’s job.

It didn’t feel so bad when he was at work.

Now he’s furloughed, I thought he’d help more but he barely lifts a finger.

He sits on his computer or playing on his phone all day while I try to home-school our eldest, entertain the younger ones, clean, wash and cook.

If I ask him to help he makes an excuse or refuses.

My mum says stop cooking and washing for him.

But the washing will just pile up and he’ll spend money we can’t afford on takeaways.

DEIDRE SAYS: I doubt he’s happy underneath.

He sounds as if he has no idea of how to be a caring dad.

I’d guess he didn’t have one himself.

For now, focus on building his bond with his children.

Chores can follow.

Say how much his children are missing out on the special qualities a dad brings.

Suggest you take the children out two at a time, leaving him with one of them plus a book the child will enjoy, or paints.

Ask him just to play with them for an hour.

If he agrees, do it every day, changing which child he is left with.

You can get advice and support through familylives.org.uk (0808 800 2222).


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