I found out my husband had sex with a 15-year-old when he was 23
DEAR DEIDRE: RECENTLY I found out that before we met, my husband had a sexual relationship with a girl of 15 when he was 23.
He didn’t realise she was so young at first but continued to have a sexual relationship with her after she’d turned 16.
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I feel he should have left her the second he found out her real age.
I can’t look at him the same way now.
I don’t like him touching me, it makes me feel sick.
I’m 33 and he’s 35.
I can’t bear to think I’m with a paedophile.
DEIDRE SAYS: She was legally under age and your husband was very wrong to have sex with her if he couldn’t be sure she was old enough to give informed consent.
But it does not make him a paedophile.
Paedophiles are sexually attracted to pre-pubescent children, which is a very different behaviour with different implications long-term.
I wonder if this has brought up bad memories for you of a sexual experience you now feel you were pressured into when young.
Your husband may not be the best person to give you support.
I’m sending you my e-leaflet How Counselling Helps.