Whoever was the first to say we should live life without regrets obviously never experienced the horrors of Black Friday holiday shopping. Whether you’re reading this just before or just after your sunrise-sale sojourn, here’s some of what many among us may be feeling by the end of Friday …
*You regret buying that 10-pack of cheap little plastic flashlights for $14.97. While that IS a great price, 10 cheap little plastic flashlights are not nearly the necessity they seemed when embarking on your shopping journey at 4:30 a.m.
*You regret the White Castle at the corner of Route 59 and Aurora Avenue is no longer there. Nestled in the middle of the shopping mecca surrounding Fox Valley Mall, it served as the perfect early morning/post-shopping “breakfast” for those of us drunk with Black Friday bargain-hunting glee.
*You regret not staying home to rake and bag those remaining leaves that fell way too late to get them to the curb in time for the city’s free curbside leaf pickup program.
*You regret the five new store credit card accounts you opened, enticing you to save an extra 20 percent on each purchase you made when using those new accounts. No, five new accounts saving you 20 percent each doesn’t mean you saved 100 percent!
*You regret your usual Black Friday shopping buddy went out of town for Thanksgiving/did all of her shopping online/decided to abstain from Black Friday shopping this holiday season instead.
*You regret buying that giant 6-foot stuffed teddy bear. While it was a great bargain, you have no remaining children on your holiday shopping list for whom a giant 6-foot stuffed teddy bears is an appropriate gift. On the bright side, it does make you feel a bit less lonely riding around in the seat usually occupied by your missing Black Friday shopping buddy.
*You regret being lured into buying yet another television just because of the Black Friday sale price. Yes, again, it was an incredible deal. But do you really need a second television in the powder room?
*You regret having gone out without a firmly resolved shopping list. No list at all would fall into the category of rookie mistake, and you’re no rookie. But you did lose your focus, and it cost you. Literally. That’s OK, surely you can find someone who wants a 12-pack of ball-peen hammers this Christmas.
*You regret not staying home like that Black Friday shopping buddy, who did all her gift-buying online. There’s something oddly satisfying about completing such a monumental task without leaving the comforts of your home. Not to mention the bragging rights that come with telling Annoying Uncle you bought his gift while sitting on the commode.
*No, seriously, you regret those leaves still aren’t gone yet. I mean, yes, the city has to stick to a firm pickup schedule so the trucks can be converted for snow removal in time for winter, but by this point we’re pretty much assured of yards and streets remaining littered with leaves well into spring. If the leaves are going to fall later than they have in the past, we’re going to have to do something different here. The answer isn’t to be an inconsiderate jamoke who rakes his leaves to the curb anyway. Bag ’em already, and write a letter to the city asking to push the collection dates back later next year.
*You regret insisting all the holiday decorations will be out and put up this weekend. Just because Thanksgiving marks the beginning of the holiday season does not mean the garland, lights and nutcrackers must explode onto the scene instantaneously. Especially when your house is not yet cleaned up from Thanksgiving and now also full of all the stuff you just lugged home from Black Friday shopping.
*You regret driving the extra seven or eight miles to the nearest White Castle in Aurora or Oswego or Plainfield or Bolingbrook, whichever one your bargain-addled brain somehow reasoned was worth traveling the extra distance for “breakfast.”
*You regret not just sleeping in and skipping the whole thing. Really, what could you possibly have bought, how much money could you possibly have saved that would justify sacrificing a night’s sleep, a clean house and quite possibly the patience of all those around you for a few extra hours traipsing down the aisles of (fill-in-the-blank store that again somehow snookered you)?
But, hey, no matter how you spend Black Friday, whatever you do or don’t do, there’s always next year to learn from those mistakes, to ensure we do indeed do our best to live a life with no regrets.
Ah, who are we kidding? SOMEBODY’s getting a bag full of hammers again next year.
Rob Manker is a freelance writer who lives and parents in Naperville.
Twitter @RobManker
